Let me extend my best wishes for the New Year.

I think you’ll have to agree that these are interesting times.  It
doesn’t take a lot of effort to find things to be concerned about
these days.

I’ve been impressed with the amount of distress I see in people.
It is certainly understandable in someone who’s lost their job or
home (or both), but I see it even in people where that isn’t the
case.

Most people’s day to day life isn’t that different now than it was
a year ago, yet their sense of well-being has plummeted.

Maybe their home no longer has the market value it had a year ago
and their retirement savings have shrunk, but they still have their
home, their health, their loved ones, worthwhile work, and so on.
Really, their day-to-day life, what they actually experience
personally, is no different than it was a year ago.

Even so, their quality of life has changed because of a change in
mindset.Now I’m certainly not saying that people don’t have real problems,
issues and difficulties.  But I am saying that some ways of facing
them are better than others.

At a simple level, the serenity prayer offers good advice in this
regard.  I’m sure you know it:  “Lord grant me the strength to
change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can’t
change and the wisdom to know the difference.”

On other levels, there is now a science around successful coping
and happiness.  I’ll tell you more about that in a moment, but
first I want to mention something from my life.

One of Jackie and my joys over this holiday season has been having
our son home from college.  It’s been especially poignant for us
because of an incident at school that happened a few weeks before
Jon came home.

One of Jon’s friends at school was climbing on the roof of a dorm
one Saturday morning and fell to his death.

The young man was a rock climbing enthusiast and didn’t respect
the danger.  I suppose like a lot of twenty year olds, he felt
somewhat invincible.

I can’t imagine his parent s angst.  Getting a phone call like
that is every parent’s greatest dread.

Ryan’s death was a reminder of how fragile life is and what’s
really important.  Having our son with us is a blessing.  It made
be especially grateful when I went to pick Jon up at school.

Against this background, the fact that the investment funds we
saved to pay Jon’s tuition are down about a semester’s worth really
isn’t a big problem.

However, one of the things I find myself struggling with now is not
worrying about Jon.  I realize I can’t wrap him up in cotton
batting and protect him from every danger in life.  I really
wouldn’t want to if I could.  I want my son to experience life
fully, to be engaged.  I want him to know adventure.

Jackie and I stayed home last night, but Jon naturally wanted to go
to a party with his friends on New Years Eve.  It was snowing and
with the memory of Ryan’s death still on my mind, I found myself
worrying about road conditions.  Jon doesn’t drink alcohol, but
unfortunately there are people out there who do drink and drive.  I
stared imaging all kinds of bad scenarios.

I could have driven myself crazy with “What if…” thoughts.

Fortunately I know some techniques and ways of focusing my thoughts
that I’m finding very helpful, which brings me to my New Year’s
resolution.

I usually don’t make New Year resolutions.  I like to create a
series on-going goals year ‘round.  But this year I think I will
make a resolution and I’m asking you to help hold me to it.

One of the great developments in the field of wellness has been the
new field of Positive Psychology.  Using what I’ve learned from
studying has helped keep me from getting out of balance worrying
about Jon.

Rather than focusing on dysfunction, neuroses and pathology,
positive psychology looks at people who are resilient, successful
and handling life’s ups and downs well to see how they do it.

Success leaves clues.  Is it possible that we could learn how to
live life well from those that are already doing it?

It turns out that genetics and circumstances determine sixty
percent of our happiness but fully forty percent could be
completely under our control.  Yet most of us live life by
happenstance, and worse look for happiness in the wrong places.

Positive psychology tells us how to take control and where to look.

For quite a while I’ve intended to help get the word out by doing
something – sending a series of emails, writing a book, creating a
home study course - something.  But I haven’t done anything about it.

My New Years resolution is to do it, to produce something to teach
people.   I think in these “interesting” times it could be the best
contribution I could make.

Help hold me to my intention.  If I don’t mention my project, write me write a post to ask me about.   I like to think of
myself as someone who honors his commitments, so hold me to this one.

Again, best wishes for the New Year.  And thanks for your help.

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